My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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