woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I want a musical about memes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
