all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
