I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
