So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
