Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
