In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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