Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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