remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
