I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
