Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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