before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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