if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
