Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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