Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize