when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
