My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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