Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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