i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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