Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
