Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
