Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize