woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
