my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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