got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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