When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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