My hand turned me down
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so much tequila, so little girl.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
