The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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