I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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