you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize