this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
