What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My vagina is officially offended.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
