be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
