grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
