but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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