Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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