We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
