now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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