Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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