i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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