I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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