I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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