Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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