false alarm. still invincible.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
