Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
