we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
