There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize