Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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