i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
