Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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