I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
