Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
