she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
