I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize