No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
