So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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