Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
