I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize