Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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