I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
