Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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