Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We're too hungover to prance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
