Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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