Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
