this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
