Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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