after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
