Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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