like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
