Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
