wrigley field is MILF paradise
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
