I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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