you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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