why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize