sarcasm needs its own font
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
