dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
