I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
