sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
