Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize