i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think i have herpe
just one?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
