Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
