Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
