i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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