on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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