Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
