Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
