I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
