walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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