I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
