if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
