stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
