Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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