I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
as a side note pls kill me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
