I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
