i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everything about him screamed your future.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
