I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
