White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
