Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
