i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
