she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
